Active Listening is Mad Deep

I made it halfway through Indi Young’s book Practical Empathy before I realized I got the wrong e-book; I meant to get Mental Models for an opportunity map I’m currently working on. Nevertheless, I read on and stumbled across listening sessions. In contrast to interviews and conversations, listening sessions require removing myself and my organization from what I’m trying to explore. What immediately struck me about this facilitation approach was 2 things:

1. There’s no prepared list of questions

2. Notetaking is forbidden

As a researcher that’s used to running with a script and jotting down notes, this initially freaked me out because it sounded like I’d join a session unprepared. How would I be sure that I covered all my bases? How would I remember what was discussed if I didn’t write anything down? The luxury of taking notes is to avoid scrubbing through a 1-hour recording. It allows me to feel like I have a grasp on what’s being said in a session. Indi, quit playin’.

After some skepticism, I grasped that a listening session is the most genuine form of active listening. Another differentiating factor is that there is no expectation that anything will be answered explicitly. I’m there to actively listen to a person for the purpose of having a deep understanding of their reasoning and reactions; I have to be completely present with this person. The reality is that I can’t soak up how another person thinks when I’m actively caught up in my own thoughts or furiously typing what they are saying verbatim. My initial understanding of active listening was looking alert and interested, observing nonverbal behaviors, and allowing for moments of silence here and there.

This redefined take on active listening also helped me expand my understanding of developing empathy. Empathy is not about being lighthearted and warm; it’s about listening. It’s about having a state of mind that’s genuinely curious about others’ train of thought. First, you listen. Then, you make sense of what’s been said. During a listening session, it’s okay to ask a clarifying question or request a specific example to better illustrate the person’s frame of mind. The point is to spend time with the other person’s thoughts. I read on to learn that recording a listening session (with a person’s consent, of course) and getting a transcript are fair game.

All that to say I look forward to facilitating listening sessions, but more importantly, practicing listening. Whether this involves quieting my inner voice to listen more clearly or recognizing my own emotion reactions to what’s being said, I have my work cut out for me in limiting my distractions.